Miss. B. Perfect-Affairs

Miss. B. Perfect-Affairs is our resident wedding etiquette expert. It’s nearly impossible to make it through planning without some feathers being ruffled….Have a question about a sticky planning situation? Write in or comment below. 

Miss. B-

I’m very excited for my upcoming planning, but a little nervous and confused about the upcoming parties. For example, who gives my shower? My Aunt wants to have one at our church but my fiances’ aunt wants to have one at her home? Do I get two? Also, what about the guest lists? ugh. So confused and not wanting to hurt feelings! I also don’t want people to feel obligated to purchase so many gifts! What’s a girl to do?


Dear Partied-Out,

Your confusion and feelings are common. First of all, take a deep breath. Know these women are just excited for you and want to shower you with gifts to celebrate your big day. It is very common for a family member or two to throw a few showers. Especially, in families that are large or when you are having a big wedding.

The host of the shower usually picks the guests who are attending, however, feel free to make a suggestion or two. To the shower your fiance’s aunt in throwing, maybe having your Mom there would make you feel more at ease. It also is an opportunity for her to meet his family. At the same time, having your future MOL at the shower hosted by your side is a nice gesture. Other key guests include bridesmaids and sisters.

Think of the varied guest lists as opportunities to spend more quality time with each person. If all people came to just one big shower, you might not get the opportunity to visit with everyone.

At the same time, your Maid of Honor will likely put together and host your bachelorette party. You can kind of think about this party like a bridal shower, but with your friends. It’s more informal and the gifts are typically that of lingerie and wine rather than items from your registry.

Sit back and enjoy,

Miss. B.

Miss B, 

I just don’t understand why I have to register. I think it is tacky to ask people for gifts at the same time you are inviting them to your wedding. Do we have to register? 



Dear Un-Registered,

Although your thoughts come from a place with good intentions, think of it this way. Your guests are coming to your wedding, they are bringing you a gift. Wouldn’t it be polite to give them some direction? This saves your guests time and energy running around and could spare feelings as well. What happens when your great aunt comes to visit only to find out you returned the lovely wall hanging she purchased?

Simply put, a registry helps those attending your wedding be able to get you something that you will use and need in your home.

Make sure though, you keep a wide variety of items on your registry so they can pick something they really want to give you. Also, keep a variety of price points on there too. Some people may have a larger budget than others and accommodating to that is a polite thing to do.

If you really don’t want or need gifts, make sure it is stated in your invitation. Suggesting donations to your favorite charity is a nice idea.

Now, go out and scan away.


Miss B.



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